Oops.

So, that last idea of a ten day thing kind of failed, right? Well, the problem is, my family decided to whisk us all off down the coast for an impromptu holiday, fro which we had to return early because my Nan on my mothers side is suffering heart problems, so this blog hasn't really been foremost in my mind, but I'll just sort of pick up where I left off anyway, with number two:

Nine things about yourself

1 - I always finding myself throwing everything into something that is not worth it, or something in which I can't achieve.

2 - I ask too many questions.

3 - I am dependant on music, some days, just to stop me from going insane.

4 - I'm addicted to my camera. Today, I went to Floriade (a spring tulip festival in Canberra) and took 500 photos in a matter of two hours or so.

5 - So often I find myself wishing I could see through another's eyes. I imagine it would be a bit like putting on rose coloured glasses and looking into the sun.

6 - I am ridiculously selfish. Unless I notice something that goes against morals and such in which case I will question, and stand up for what I believe to be right, usually with unnecessary fierceness.

7 - I'm genuinely terrified of failure. What do I do when I leave school? I have no direction.

8 - I love those sunny days when you can just wander around aimlessly, lie in the grass and laugh for no good reason.

9 - Everything I think I do well, I soon discover someone else does in a far superior manner.

Oops, that turned out remarkably negative. I must be.. tired. So, I just looked at the clock on my computer and it's 12:46am. I thought it was 8pm.

1.

day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Ooh, this will be interesting.

1 - You have no idea how much better you have made my life just through the crazy things we do, and letting me be myself. Did you know I consider you my best friends?

2 - I'm as disappointed in myself as I imagine you are in me.

3 - I really can't comprehend what I feel towards you. Sometimes it's indifference, then something flips a switch and before I can stop it or explain, the voice in my head says 'that's why I love him'.

4 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. But then, you say you don't like that word coming from my mouth, but deep down I think you thrive on it. You need it. So, I'm sorry for giving up what we had, for the sake of something that exists in my imagination.

5 - Another sorry. I don't know how I became the person I am today. I didn't want to let you down like that. You make me proud to be your daughter, it's just a shame I can't live up to your standards.

6 - I'm amazed at how alike we think. I think we were programmed to be best friends, we just never knew it. Even though we don't say such things, you should know you're my bestie.

7 - I accept you. Whether you're with a guy, a girl, or even both, I still love you for who you are. You're still the same person you were when we met in pre-school, and nothing in the world can change our friendship.

8 - I regret almost everything I've said to you.

9 - Why do you not know when to stop? That is half of what's pulling our family to pieces, please learn.

10 - I know that I've ruined many things. I just want to be given the opportunity to try and fix more than I've ruined. Will you give me a chance?

Ahh, so that made me think a little about things I didn't want to, but I think that's a good thing. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes screaming out of the keyboard tomorrow.

10.

So, I've decided to steal this list from the tumblr of a friend (who wishes to remain unnamed), just to try and encourage a little bit of routine, and regular fuel for this blog, and in turn my mind.
So, without further ado, here is the list:

day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
day two: nine things about yourself.
day three: eight ways to win your heart.
day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
day five: eight things you're proud of.
day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
day seven: what you wore.
day eight: something you believe.
day nine: your aspirations.
day ten: one confession.

Let's see how I go.

War.

So, at the risk of stating the very obvious, I have come to the conclusion that war in any form is utter bullshit.
In history today we watched a 25 minute video about the Vietnam War, with a particular focus on the politics that surrounded and led to Australia's contribution to it. In those 25 minutes, I was close to tears. That's not to say there was any really graphic footage, or anything along those lines, but somehow it really drove home how horrible war is, and I found myself sitting there putting all my thought energy into wishing such a thing would never exist. In reality, it achieves nothing that shouldn't be able to be achieved by actually TALKING and LISTENING to other people. I genuinely cannot express my disgust at the notion. This isn't a new sentiment, it's just been massively reinforced by my thinking today.

Image courtesy of withfriendship.com (http://www.withfriendship.com/user/tuyen/vietnam-war.php)

To me, this picture more or less summarises the Vietnam War, and war in general.
I'm genuinely ashamed of Australia's involvement in the Vietnam War, and all others in which we've been involved. I want to start a revolution, but then what can I achieve? Never before have I felt this level of frustration at not being able to change the world, knowing that people are and have been dying horrible violent death all throughout history.

So, now you're all probably thinking I'm some crazy hormonal teenager, I'm gonna leave my rant there. ;)

Short.

I can see the blood rushing a frenzy through the veins beneath my eyelids, feel the steady throbbing of my heart as the world around me warps to meet its rhythm. I open my eyes, squinting like a newborn - isn't it funny how the last moments of ones life so replicate the first - and find myself face to face with time. He speaks in riddles, twisting and turning around himself until all I hear is a steady pounding beat in time once again with my heart.

I thought I knew where this was going but don't like it anymore.
If anyone's into writing, or reading, I'd be really interested to see where they think this is going or should be going. :)

Stuck.

I'm stuck. In a rut. An uncreative, music addicted, rut.
So, if anyone has anything they want to see me blog about I would be appreciative beyond words if you could comment here with some suggestions.
Also, I'm considering posting a short story I wrote some time ago, just for the heck of it, if anyone's interested.
That's it for today, not much else I can say.

Oh,

One more quick note (procrastination at it's best) - it is SUNNY today.
Now you have no idea how happy that makes me. I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt. NO tights. Summer is coming, and it's about time.

Slack.

Yeah, that's me. I'm a terribly slack blogger.
To counteract this, I'm considering making myself write a post on a particular day this week, but I'm not sure how well that would work out, or what I would write about.

Anyway, I've noticed something recently.
That is, my organisation skills, or complete lack of.
I have read every possible web site that lays out 'systems' for organisation, tried every iPhone App in existence that claims to be able to organise my life (they can be pricey too) and I've come to the conclusion that I'm just acutely disorganised. It's like an incurable disease. The symptoms? Lack of sleep from doing assignments the night before they're due, sending hours in the morning looking for things I need for school (stockings, notebooks and homework sheets - usually incomplete - are huge layers in this department) and the utter chaos that is the floor of my room. So, is it any wonder that my blog - which in reality, doesn't really do anything for anyone - fall by the wayside a little? Aside from all of my school requirements I manage to while away hours stalking on Lookbook, Facebook, too many blogs to mention, and so many photography websites it's ridiculous. And that's just while I'm at my computer. THEN there's the hours spent in shopping centres eating en route from school, the bus adventures of an afternoon, and the ridiculous antics I get up to with my friends. And then I'm considering getting an after school job at a child care centre. Great idea, that one.
So, what I want to know, is how to normal people keep organised?
I can't even look to my mum for this advice - I think my lack of organisation is genetic.

I'm gonna have to leave this post there - I'm meant to be studying for a science test. Anyone know anything about gene doping? ;)

Realism.

Modern culture is, in my opinion, a sham; a malnourished idealism cowering behind a facade of perfection and false confidence.

Copy Cat.

At the risk of being terribly unoriginal (what am I saying, risk? I know I'm terribly unoriginal), I've taken inspiration from this fantastic collection of facts, and decided to fill you all in on ten quick facts about myself.

1 - I have the most child like sense of humour.
2 - As much as I loathe to admit it, I'm a recovering facebook addict.
3 - I am the biggest nerd out. But you know what? I say the dumbest things.
4 - I'm a self proclaimed Bowie-ist. Bowie, is God.
5 - I used to be a 'dog person', but I think I'm slowly being converted to a cat one.
6 - More than almost anything else, I wish humans were immortal.
7 - My birthday is this Monday.
8 - I feel so uninspired. I hate that feeling. Most of the time, even when I feel like nothing is right, I can be inspired to take photos of something, to write something, to draw, ANYTHING. But now, I feel happy. But without any sort of inspiration. :(
9 - The extent to which I am uncoordinated is actually incomprehensible.
10 - I underestimate myself. Either that, or other people over estimate me. I think the latter.

So, there's an attempt to sum up my mundane life in ten facts.
The sad thing is, it was actually really hard to think of these.
Maybe it's fatigue, it's the second week back at school and already I have inordniate amounts of homework and assignments. Oh well, that's life.

Old.

I found this old 'poem' as I was going through documents on my computer, and thought I'd share it. It's quite embarrassing when I look at it now.

When you call my name,
My pulse quickens,
As if dancing a jig.

When I brush your skin,
My spine tingles,
Arching away from you,
While longing to be near.

I am repulsed by you,
As equally as I am attracted to you.
Repulsed by the power you hold over me,
You turn me into someone else.
But still this person is not good enough.

I'm attracted to your grace,
Your fiery passion, and quiet intelligence.
Your gentle touch, your teasing humour,
And your compassion for all things worthy.
Your kindness, often too much for me to understand,
And your striking independence puts me to shame.

You know I need you,
You just don't know how much.
I know you don't need me.
Anymore.

Kitten.

Our family recently got a new kitten who had been dumped at a vet's. She is so adorable, I just felt compelled to share a picture. She's purring on my lap as I type.

Also, I've just come to the realisation that my birthday is this Monday. Sixteen, finally. Not much of a blog entry, but yeah.

EDIT: Well. That picture didn't work too well. I have no idea what's going on here.

Books.

People.

They're the strangest things, really, aren't they? I guess I should say we.

I wonder, though, have you ever taken the time to think, about what makes a person, a person. What makes us more than animals. Why do we get to be the best?

Anyone knows, we don't deserve it half of the time.

Music.

In today's cluttered world of mass media, politics, celebrity obsession, sexuality, crime, and travelling the world, I often find that music is the only thing that keep me from going completely insane. So, I started to wonder, how is this possible?

In reality, buying music is, in a way, buying into the whole culture of mass media consumption. However, music, more than almost anything else in my life is capable of making me think about the world, and see it from a different perspective. I'm not talking about the Top 40 pop music that's stereotyped as being a teenagers best friend. I have to say, I loathe Lady Gaga, and Kesha's not much better. Then again, I don't go to the other end of the spectrum and embrace heavy metal music, either. I think I sit in the middle of the road, indulging in a little bit of punk, rock, some alternative, and a lot of old stuff. Then again, genres really don't matter, it's the words and melody of the song that make it so addictive and healing.

Why is it so important? I find that by observing what music people enjoy, and how they seem to feel when they're listening to it, you can learn a lot about their personality. That's not to say that everyone who listens to Slipknot, for example, is depressed or anything remotely like that. Just that music has to connect with people on some level, in order to engage them and attract an audience. In my opinion, while we're being bombarded by videos and technology, often the most simple messages can get lost. In some ways, music helps to convey these messages for us, and to bring people together by evoking emotions, thoughts, and ideas, as well as the simplicity of enjoyment.

I'm curious to know what role music plays in the lives of other people.

I feel a bit silly..

I'm not quite sure how to go about this whole blogging concept, acquiring followers and whatnot.

Not that followers are what's most important to me, READERS are. There is a difference. Followers would just confirm the fact that I have readers. Which I don't at the moment.

However short of spamming out my URL all over the internet, I'm not sure how to catch people's attention.

I'm hoping that when I have a little more direction in my posts, things might be a bit easier. Not that I'm expecting it all to fall into place, I know I have to work for it.

I just really want to reach someone, to achieve something, you know?

"I always had a repulsive need to be something more than human."

David Bowie.

Oh, how I love him. He did it. He has become superhuman, at least in my mind.

Today.

I woke up with icy morning on my breath, in my mind, the acknowledgement that today was the day.

I got out of bed with an unusual flourish, as the scent of flowers and wood paneling drifted through the air. Today was the day.

I prepared breakfast with a spring in my step, the taste of excitement on my tongue. Today was the day.

I bustled into my coat, anticipation flustering my movements. Today was the day.

The phone rang.

The voice on the other end stuttered. It wailed. Then calmed. And bid me farewell.

Today was meant to be the beginning. And it was. The beginning of the end.

Today, was the day.

So, this is a blog.

After much contemplation, I've finally decided to make my grand entrance into the blogoshpere.

I'm not too sure yet what direction my blog will take, not that I have any readers who'll be concerned about it yet. Or any readers at all, in reality. My interests range from photography, to writing, to current issues, and maybe even a little bit of politics, based on my shallow knowledge of them.

There's only one thing I aim to achieve with this blog, and that is to provoke thoughts. Or feelings. Or ate least mild interest.

So, here goes...