Lack of motivation.

This was short lived, but it appears I don't have the time or motivation to post here any more these days.
Who knows, maybe one day this blog will be a place of fabulous insight, but until then you can find me on lookbook and a shared blog with my friend Cassie, created at her insistence. I hope for her sake it fares better than this old thing, haha.
Thanks for bothering to follow, and sorry if I've disappointed anyone other than myself. :)
x

Oops.

So, that last idea of a ten day thing kind of failed, right? Well, the problem is, my family decided to whisk us all off down the coast for an impromptu holiday, fro which we had to return early because my Nan on my mothers side is suffering heart problems, so this blog hasn't really been foremost in my mind, but I'll just sort of pick up where I left off anyway, with number two:

Nine things about yourself

1 - I always finding myself throwing everything into something that is not worth it, or something in which I can't achieve.

2 - I ask too many questions.

3 - I am dependant on music, some days, just to stop me from going insane.

4 - I'm addicted to my camera. Today, I went to Floriade (a spring tulip festival in Canberra) and took 500 photos in a matter of two hours or so.

5 - So often I find myself wishing I could see through another's eyes. I imagine it would be a bit like putting on rose coloured glasses and looking into the sun.

6 - I am ridiculously selfish. Unless I notice something that goes against morals and such in which case I will question, and stand up for what I believe to be right, usually with unnecessary fierceness.

7 - I'm genuinely terrified of failure. What do I do when I leave school? I have no direction.

8 - I love those sunny days when you can just wander around aimlessly, lie in the grass and laugh for no good reason.

9 - Everything I think I do well, I soon discover someone else does in a far superior manner.

Oops, that turned out remarkably negative. I must be.. tired. So, I just looked at the clock on my computer and it's 12:46am. I thought it was 8pm.

1.

day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

Ooh, this will be interesting.

1 - You have no idea how much better you have made my life just through the crazy things we do, and letting me be myself. Did you know I consider you my best friends?

2 - I'm as disappointed in myself as I imagine you are in me.

3 - I really can't comprehend what I feel towards you. Sometimes it's indifference, then something flips a switch and before I can stop it or explain, the voice in my head says 'that's why I love him'.

4 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. But then, you say you don't like that word coming from my mouth, but deep down I think you thrive on it. You need it. So, I'm sorry for giving up what we had, for the sake of something that exists in my imagination.

5 - Another sorry. I don't know how I became the person I am today. I didn't want to let you down like that. You make me proud to be your daughter, it's just a shame I can't live up to your standards.

6 - I'm amazed at how alike we think. I think we were programmed to be best friends, we just never knew it. Even though we don't say such things, you should know you're my bestie.

7 - I accept you. Whether you're with a guy, a girl, or even both, I still love you for who you are. You're still the same person you were when we met in pre-school, and nothing in the world can change our friendship.

8 - I regret almost everything I've said to you.

9 - Why do you not know when to stop? That is half of what's pulling our family to pieces, please learn.

10 - I know that I've ruined many things. I just want to be given the opportunity to try and fix more than I've ruined. Will you give me a chance?

Ahh, so that made me think a little about things I didn't want to, but I think that's a good thing. I'm looking forward to seeing what comes screaming out of the keyboard tomorrow.

10.

So, I've decided to steal this list from the tumblr of a friend (who wishes to remain unnamed), just to try and encourage a little bit of routine, and regular fuel for this blog, and in turn my mind.
So, without further ado, here is the list:

day one: ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
day two: nine things about yourself.
day three: eight ways to win your heart.
day four: seven things that cross your mind a lot.
day five: eight things you're proud of.
day six: five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
day seven: what you wore.
day eight: something you believe.
day nine: your aspirations.
day ten: one confession.

Let's see how I go.

War.

So, at the risk of stating the very obvious, I have come to the conclusion that war in any form is utter bullshit.
In history today we watched a 25 minute video about the Vietnam War, with a particular focus on the politics that surrounded and led to Australia's contribution to it. In those 25 minutes, I was close to tears. That's not to say there was any really graphic footage, or anything along those lines, but somehow it really drove home how horrible war is, and I found myself sitting there putting all my thought energy into wishing such a thing would never exist. In reality, it achieves nothing that shouldn't be able to be achieved by actually TALKING and LISTENING to other people. I genuinely cannot express my disgust at the notion. This isn't a new sentiment, it's just been massively reinforced by my thinking today.

Image courtesy of withfriendship.com (http://www.withfriendship.com/user/tuyen/vietnam-war.php)

To me, this picture more or less summarises the Vietnam War, and war in general.
I'm genuinely ashamed of Australia's involvement in the Vietnam War, and all others in which we've been involved. I want to start a revolution, but then what can I achieve? Never before have I felt this level of frustration at not being able to change the world, knowing that people are and have been dying horrible violent death all throughout history.

So, now you're all probably thinking I'm some crazy hormonal teenager, I'm gonna leave my rant there. ;)

Short.

I can see the blood rushing a frenzy through the veins beneath my eyelids, feel the steady throbbing of my heart as the world around me warps to meet its rhythm. I open my eyes, squinting like a newborn - isn't it funny how the last moments of ones life so replicate the first - and find myself face to face with time. He speaks in riddles, twisting and turning around himself until all I hear is a steady pounding beat in time once again with my heart.

I thought I knew where this was going but don't like it anymore.
If anyone's into writing, or reading, I'd be really interested to see where they think this is going or should be going. :)

Stuck.

I'm stuck. In a rut. An uncreative, music addicted, rut.
So, if anyone has anything they want to see me blog about I would be appreciative beyond words if you could comment here with some suggestions.
Also, I'm considering posting a short story I wrote some time ago, just for the heck of it, if anyone's interested.
That's it for today, not much else I can say.